Finding Conflict Resolution in Relationships When My Dinner Table Became a Battleground
Conflict resolution in relationships became a priority the night I casually joked, "Well, at least ______ (candidate) is the better option between the two," expecting everyone around the table to nod in agreement. Instead, the room went silent, and it was clear they stood on the other side of the aisle. Suddenly that aisle felt wide as a canyon. I had to learn how to stay connected when you disagree with people you deeply care about.
These were people I’d been in Bible study with for years. They were people I prayed with, served with and trusted. We were aligned on so many things that I assumed, arrogantly, that of course we’d see politics the same way.
When I realized most of them supported the candidate I couldn’t stand, that the people I trusted could be like those people I judged from afar on the news, I felt punched in the gut. A part of me wanted to walk out and avoid conflict. Another part wanted to argue loudly and condescendingly to prove I was the reasonable one.
The Internal Battle: When Your Nervous System Takes Over
Inside, my system ping-ponged between two instincts:
The Passive Part: “Shut down. Take it back. Smile politely. Don’t cause a scene.
The Loud, Judgmental Part: “What’s wrong with them? You need to fix this. You can’t be associated with people like that.”
Both parts were terrified. One feared losing connection; the other feared losing integrity.
And the tension felt impossible:
If I stayed in the relationship, was I betraying my values?
If I walked away, was I betraying the connection we’d built?
I had to figure out navigating disagreements with loved ones without sacrificing who I am.
This is where real conflict resolution in relationships begins. Not in changing others, but in understanding ourselves first.
Recognizing the Polarization Within
That night showed me how polarized I had become. How quickly my nervous system could flip to a fight, flight, or freeze response. How hard it was to hold onto compassion during conflict when parts of me were screaming for “Choose a side!”
Dealing with political division in families isn't just about politics, it's about understanding our internal responses to feeling threatened or misunderstood. When we're triggered, we often can't access the part of ourselves that values connection alongside conviction.
The And Way™: A Different Approach to Conflict Resolution in Relationships
What eventually helped me find another path is developing The And Way™.
It’s the model that taught me I didn’t have to collapse my identity or compromise my values to stay connected when I disagree. That self-healing is world-healing. That to mend what’s broken between us, we have to mend what’s polarized within us first.
The And Way™ is about holding two truths simultaneously:
I can love these people AND hold different beliefs
I can stay true to my values AND remain in relationship
I can disagree strongly AND approach others with compassion
This framework for conflict resolution in relationships acknowledges that navigating disagreements with loved ones doesn't require choosing between connection and conviction. It requires expanding our capacity to hold both.
Navigating Disagreements With Loved Ones
That dinner table moment changed me. It showed me that conflict resolution in relationships isn't about avoiding disagreement, it's about learning to stay present, curious, and connected even when everything in you wants to choose a side and build a wall.
If you're struggling with navigating disagreements with loved ones, know that you're not alone. The tension you feel between staying true to yourself and staying in relationship is real and it's possible to honor both. Learning how to stay connected when you disagree is one of the most important skills we can develop in these divisive times.
It’s not easy work.
It’s the path I’ve found that lets me honor the people I love and the convictions I hold.
Ready to learn more about The And Way™ and discover how to find conflict resolutions in relationships? Order my book today to discover how you can maintain meaningful relationships without compromising your values.
